How do I Know if a Child is Stressed?
Children and teenagers, like adults, experience stress. It can come from a variety of sources including changes in their bodies, changes in self-confidence, the death of a loved one, school, busy schedules, moving, relationship pressures, making and keeping friendships, or even coping with expectations they think their parents, teachers or coaches may have of them.
It can sometimes be difficult to know if a child is experiencing overwhelming feelings of stress and what to do to help. The following is a list of questions that may help identify if a child is experiencing stress. Keep in mind that everybody has a bad day. There are three important things to keep in mind when noticing a change in a child's behaviour: how long has it been going on, how often does it happen and how much is it interfering with daily life?
Is the child having difficulty coping with typical everyday stresses?
Is the child exhibiting increased frustration and anger over simple things?
Does the child seem overly clingy?
Is the child suddenly impulsive and aggressive?
Is the child acting more irritable and moody than usual?
Is the child withdrawing from activities that used to give her/him pleasure?
Is the child routinely expressing worries?
Is the child complaining more than usual about school?
Is the child crying more than usual?
Is the child more jumpy or easily startled than usual?
Is the child abandoning long-time friendships for a new set of friends?
Is the child expressing excessive hostility towards family members?
Is the child complaining of frequent stomachaches or headaches (when s/he has been given a clean bill of health by their doctor) or have these complaints increased in certain situations (e.g. after s/he plays with certain friends)?
Does the child seem to be more fixated on certain thoughts and unable to let things go (e.g. "I just can't stop thinking about it!")?
Is the child more disorganized than usual?
Does the child seem to be overwhelmed by normal everyday activities?
Does the child often show a lack of interest in completing or increased difficulty in completing tasks whether school work or otherwise?
Have others mentioned noticing changes in the child's behaviour?
What can I do to help?
- Notice out loud. Mention to the child that you notice something is up with them. For example, "I noticed that since you talked to your friend the other day, you seem a bit sad. Did you want to talk about that?" Make sure that this doesn't sound like an accusation, "Ok, what's wrong now?" or make the child feel like s/he is being put on the spot.
- Actively listen. Listen with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Try to avoid judging, blaming, lecturing or telling the child what s/he should have done instead. Ask questions and let the child take her/his time.
- Validate the way the child is feeling. By commenting on how the child must have felt, it shows you understand and that you care. For example, "That must have been very frustrating or upsetting." By expressing that you understand and empathize, the child will feel more supported.
- Help the child name her/his feelings. Sometimes children have difficulty expressing how they feel in words. Help the child put her/his feelings into words, whether it be anger, sadness, frustration, confusion, etc. This will help communication in the future.
- Try to brainstorm with the child things that s/he can do to help reduce the stress. This may include physical activity, drawing, writing, reading, watching TV, listening to music, hanging out with a friend, playing with pets, lazing around, etc.
- Think forward. Help the child become more future-oriented by making plans and goals s/he can focus on.
- Make sure the child knows s/he is not alone. Assure the child that we all go through stressful times. Remind the child that although it may not feel like it at the moment, this will pass.
- Just be there for the child. Don't take it personally if the child does not want to talk to you about her/his problem. Being present and doing activities together can still help. Let the child know that you are there whenever s/he wants to talk. You may also want to help the child brainstorm about people s/he may feel more comfortable talking to (a safe adult or peer) about certain things.
- Seek support. If you are concerned that the child is experiencing significant symptoms of stress on a regular basis, it can sometimes be helpful to work with a licensed mental health professional. These individuals are trained to help people identify problems and develop effective strategies to resolve overwhelming feelings of stress.
(Some of these tips are excerpted from the American Psychological Association and KidsHealth.org)
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