Teaching adolescents what to do if they are being harassed

Adolescence is a time when it is important for them to fit in with peers. This is also when they are looking to make deeper connections with friends and often start dating. Being accepted by their friends is so important to them that they will sometimes put up with being treated poorly. Adolescents do not have the emotional skills or experience to always be able to judge whether a situation is unhealthy or potentially dangerous. It is important for parents to talk to adolescents to ensure they're prepared to handle difficult situations.

1. When the harasser is a stranger

*Here are some tips for teaching adolescents how to take control if they are being bothered by someone they don't know: *

  1. Don't answer:

    • Don't respond to this person. That way, they stay in charge.

    • Save the message:

      • They may feel like getting rid of the message because it's upsetting or embarrassing, but tell them not to. It's very important to keep the message to be able to show an adult or law enforcement in case the person continues to harass them.

      • Tell a trusted adult:

        • Keep lines of communication open and encourage them to keep you or another trusted adult in the loop with what is happening.

        • Limit conversations:

          • If they see this person offline, tell them not to talk to them. If s/he continues to bother them, tell them to tell an adult who can help.

          • Stay calm:

            • Teach them to not show the person that s/he is getting to them. Showing a reaction can give the person power and intensify their behaviour. Teach them to keep their reaction and thoughts to themselves as their own personal power.

            • Change their cell number:

              • If the situation doesn't resolve itself, you should consider changing their cell number.
Important: If at any point you or your adolescent are scared or feel threatened in any way, consult with the police. Threatening someone is illegal.

2. When an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is the harasser

Here are some tips for teaching adolescents how to take control if they are being bothered by an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend:

  1. Be straightforward:
    • If an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend starts texting your adolescent again because they want to get back together, tell your adolescent to be honest and to the point. Teach them not to make up excuses. It only makes it worse.
  2. Avoid the bait:
    Explain to your adolescent that sometimes when someone feels rejected s/he may contact you to:
    • Argue with you;
    • Know if you like someone else;
    • Check if you will get back together with him or her; or,
    • Threaten you (This is illegal and needs to be told to an adult). Explain that the best thing to do is for your adolescent to make it clear that s/he does not want any contact from them. Tell them to avoid getting into a conversation about their relationship as it can be misleading.
  3. Crossing the Line:
    Stress the importance of telling a trusted adult if the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend does not listen and starts harassing your adolescent. Explain situation need an adult to get involved so it doesn't get out of control.

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